It is hard enough to walk in this world as an indigo adult and an empath and, without ever touching anyone, pick up on so much invisible stuff that is going on.
But then you bring sex into the picture and it’s a whole new mastery.
You, the indigo adult/psychic mind/empath is literally, physically merging with another individual. And with that physical merging automatically comes an energetic merging.
I take on the traits of my lover… both good and bad.
I believe most empaths do… which a good reason to pick you lovers carefully.
I really have no solution to prevent this from happening. And with me, even when I am being very diligent about cleaning my energy field, I still am not usually able to clear my lover’s energy away. It just doesn’t happen.
Maybe it’s different for male indigo adults, because they are not literally, bringing someone’s physical being into their body (unless they are gay) and I feel that that makes female indigo adults and empaths more susceptible to carrying their lover’s energy.
The unfortunate thing for me has been that because I am feeling energy that is not mine in my body that I am unable to clear, it makes long term romantic/sexual relationships sometimes uncomfortable.
This is because for long stretches of time I will see a trait that I know is not mine that I am picking up from my lover, and I can’t shake it.
For example, let’s say that I’m dating/having sex with someone that doesn’t like biking. After a while, I may start to find biking distasteful, even though I truly love biking (which I do). After a few months I will notice that I am not biking and yet also sense a part of me that is longing to go biking.
Because biking is at my core (along with the attributes that are at my core self that have shifted since the beginning of the relationship) I will eventually find that all of those traits that are mine will overpower the traits I’m picking up from my mate.
That is usually when I end up breaking up with my mate.
This can happen in non-sexual relationships, especially familial relationships, but it is even more powerful with a lover.
The most difficult part to deal with is the psychic mind part of myself in sexual relationships. If the person I am dating/making love to is not psychic, it closes me up, which is uncomfortable to me. Short term, it’s fine. I usually just get head aches with lovers that are psychically closed. But long term, it feels like something is missing from my life and that I’m lacking awareness.
One interesting thing in the case of me (an indigo empath and psychic) dating a muggle is that I usually end up evoking a psychic opening in the muggle. Petunias love this, because they want to learn more about the invisible world. So, for example, my last boyfriend, who was a muggle/Petunia, loved this benefit of dating/fucking me.
The other relationship type is when I am with another indigo adult/intuitive/emapth/psychic mind. That can get messy because usually our vibrations are so close that we don’t know who’s stuff belongs to who.
So if my lover, who is a psychic empath, is having a bad day and is pissy about it, I could be having the greatest time on a beach in Hawaii and still feel pissy and not know why.
It’s very annoying, unless you are dating an indigo who is really good at refocusing positively.
And in both cases, if the indigo adult/empath’s lover is partaking in substances, the indigo adult/empath will most likely be affected by it.
So this has lead me to wonder if I will ever end up getting married.
Sexual merging is not something I have partaken in a lot. And if I do, it’s with someone who has habits and thought patterns that I can live with, and with the positive habits/thoughts, enjoy.
But I guess that’s what makes for a good relationship, huh?
I am just looking at it through an energetic lens.
Oh, and I almost forgot to mention…
I am connected to all of my lovers in the past and I think this is true for everyone. Not just indigo adults/empaths.
We (indigo adults/empaths) are just able to tune into it better. So I can feel when my boyfriend from 8 years ago is thinking about me. Or when I think about him, I can connect with how he is feeling at the moment, even if I have both of us in a bubble.
Something to keep in mind if you choose a lover who can get obsessive. I have one ex that always fantasizes about me (and not in an energetically gentle way… as I taught in my last post) and it’s very annoying.
Oh, but here’s the super-cool upside about being an empathic indigo adult… you intuitively know where/how to touch your lover. Because you can feel it and sense it.
And if you are with another indigo adult or emapth (or start psychically opening a muggle) you will get to enjoy the same benefit.
To put it bluntly, it makes sex really, really great.
So choose your lovers wisely, indigo adults, because you will get much closer to them than just physically.
Peace,
Indigo Leslie
Any other indigos/empaths/psychic minds have experiences like the ones I’m describing here? Please leave your experiences and thoughts below.
February 15th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
iam stuck with a guy, i dont like….iam getting annoyed because of this!!!whenever i ditch him, i still feel connected to him, he thinks abt me alot and then i call him!!!his sexual fantazies are also making me crazy! he makes me think of him…..i cant concerntrate on my activities, please help me get rid of this guy….
February 15th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
i dont want to get any more closer to him, what u talked about yourself regarding lovers…its same with me…iam 21, i have a whole life ahead of me…i dont want to be stuck with someone i dont love…please help me lady leslie….i will be thankful to you all my life!!!!
March 2nd, 2010 at 4:53 pm
How can I help?
March 2nd, 2010 at 5:13 pm
Oh, I read your other comment first.
I had a guy like that a while ago. It’s interesting because I could feel when he was thinking about me, both casually and sexually. And it was really difficult to pull myself away energetically.
Even worse, we were both massage therapists at the spa, so once I had cleared him energetically, I would run into him and the cycle would start again.
I would say that first get him out of your sphere physically. With the guy I described above, I eventually left the spa. In a way, I considered it the universe sending me a message to get out of there because it wasn’t working for me on a lot of different levels. He was just one of those levels.
Second is every time you think about him or notice he is thinking of you, bubble him and bubble yourself.
If you feel him fantasizing about you and the bubble doesn’t work, you can mentally say something like “I command __________ (his name) out of my field. All energy of __________ I return to ____________ with love and light. You are not allowed in my field and I command you to leave.”
Some energies are really persistent. The next thing I do is visualize something that is the antithesis of sexiness to him. Do you know his mom? Visualize her. He will feel her energy and, unless he sexualizes her, he will feel turned off by thinking about you that way. Be sure to bubble her, because you don’t want to send that energy her way. But you can also think about things like baseball and taxes and that has seemed to help me get unwanted sexual energy away from me in the past. I know it sounds a bit silly, but if it works…
Try a cutting ceremony also. This cuts the unhealthy ties to an individual, object or place. Be sure to do the part about sending forgiveness and light, because another reason people keep coming back is that the energy is tied together, often in a negative way, and the person is returning in order to give you the opportunity to “unhook”.
Check out this webpage: http://www.powerattunements.com/article110.html
Finally, when you notice your attention going to him, mentally send him love and light and then refocus on what you want. I like mentally saying, “I forgive you and god bless you” (which is a phrase I acquired from Brian Tracy) and then I focus on the characteristics I want in my next lover/boyfriend. If you can, write those characteristics down. And write the characteristics that you liked in the guy you are trying to get away from… It won’t make you reconnect with the crappy side of him as much as with his better side or with someone who exemplifies his better characteristics, along with additional characteristics that are more compatible with what you are wanting.
Actually, I really like the Abraham-Hicks exercise of writing “The positive aspects of ________________ are…” and then list them. (the blank can be anything… both something that gives you great joy as well as something that is frustrating you at the moment.)
If you are sensitive to energy, you will actually feel a positive shift between you and whatever you focused on in the Positive Aspects exercise. It’s pretty awesome and powerful!
Hope these tips help! Let me know how they work for you.
March 14th, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Hi Leslie, I come to you for guidance from the other side of the equation. I am in love and dating an indigo. I am very open spiritually hence welcome and cherish all he is and stands for. Our story is quite spectacular, we are first loves reunited after many many years. My question, I know he feels me and it’s gotten to the point that I feel him as well. That is, if he is going through the motions and picking up negative energies around him, I feel when he is down, I feel when he is distant. He will take moments to himself so I don’t pick up on them. My main question: there are times that I wish I could take away any negative feelings he gets, I wish (as a female when I go through my insecurities as we all tend to), he doesn’t pick up on that, I wish to learn more and more so I can complement him and never drain him.. Any suggestions?
March 18th, 2010 at 1:23 pm
The brain cannot think a positive thought an a negative thought at the same time. And in the moments when a relationship (any relationship but especially a romantic one) gets bumpy, whether it’s for individual reasons or the dynamics of the relationship at the moment, I find it important to shift what I am focusing on.
I think I have written about making a List of Positive Aspects (an Abraham-Hicks exercise I find very effective) in some of my posts, but I find that this works sooooo well with relationships, because on a certain level people to feel and hear the list you are making and will subconsciously react to that. The key to the list is to only list aspects that you believe are true (like, don’t say a person is punctual if they are actually always late).
So when you have moments of insecurity or feel that you are being a drain to him, first do the bubble exercise I wrote about… or at the very least, imagine a bubble around him and a bubble around you.
The bubble represents the idea that you want them to be them and it’s ok that they are being what they are being, all the time. You might not like it, but you honor that they are expressing what they need to express.
Additionally, sometimes indigo adults and emapths pick up on impressions of the thoughts of other people… They act or emote in the way others expect them to, rather than what they are actually feeling and wanting to be.
So the bubbling and the exercise should take care of a lot of what you mentioned in your email.
And in the moments that he is “going through the motions”, which I am presuming to mean doing things that aren’t exactly in line with his passion (like a job that he likes but isn’t always fun) I would say that if the bubbling doesn’t work for both of you, it should at least work for you. And once you have become comfortable with these exercises, you can show him and he can clear himself, which isn’t really your responsibility anyway, though on the rare occasion I will go in to a family members field (after asking permission psychically) and clear some energetic ickyness that is pulling the entire family group down that doesn’t belong to them.
I will give a couple of examples.
My last boyfriend liked his job but it was very tiresome with a lot of minute calculations. He earned a lot of money for what he did and liked the people he worked with and enjoyed his time there for the most part, but he knew that the collective of the company was a bit of a heavier vibration (it was a major oil company) and I could feel that collective every time he went to work, by virtue of being so connected to him in our relationship.
The way I dealt with it was to do the Bubble Exercise, and then to find a collective (a group of people) that matched my vibration better and felt really good to me. That way, when he was at work, I could connect with the collective I was with (like those at the local gym or coffeehouse). And this happened automatically, even if I was not actively socializing (empaths/indigos can connect with a group without having direct contact but physical proximity helps a lot so I think this will work to you). And then he could do his thing, and I could do my thing during the day, and when he came home, we’d reconnect.
My final example deals with a friend, whom I have known for decades (our friendship started in kindergarten).
She is having a rough time right now and is taking it out on me a bit. I feel it psychically and lately, I’ve felt it overtly. She is my friend and I will always love her, but I do not find her behavior towards me acceptable right now. As of last month, we are not interacting in the physical plane any longer. While this saddens me, and I can sense this saddens her, I feel that it is ok and that whatever is going on with her she has to deal with. I cannot protect her from the emotional stuff she is sorting out and clearing her energy not only won’t help, but it is important for her to process what she needs to process without interference, even if it hurts right now.
So I feel that the most supportive thing I can do is to psychically send her love and tell her she is supported and when I feel hostility coming from her directed at me, I bubble both of us and send away her energy from my field.
So when your guy is down, perhaps you have to just let him be where he is. Give him space to be down and still love him and support him, but don’t carry the energy for him (bubble yourself).
I hope this helps. I know my answer has many facets to it, and that is because I wasn’t sure what would work. There are lots of techniques, and even though you explained the dynamics, it really depends.
If someone is down because their team lost the superbowl or didn’t get a promotion, that’s a case where when you shift focus or if you help the individual shift focus to something more positive (that’s where the Positive Aspects List comes in), a lot of positive stuff can happen.
But if someone is down because there was a death in the family, that takes a lot of emotional sorting by the individual. No amount of bubbling or clearing energy will help and that’s not an outside person’s responsibility, anyway.
If you have any questions about my response or if anything is unclear, please let me know.
And congratulations on meeting up with your first love. That’s so cool. I wish you great love and happiness!
~ Peace ~
Indigo Leslie